John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, 'Here's to spending the rest 
of me life, between the legs of my wife!'
That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!

He went home and told his wife, Mary, 'I won the prize for the best 
toast of the night.'
She said, great & what was your toast?'
John said, 'Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church 
beside me wife.'

'Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!' Mary said.

The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the 
street corner.

The man chuckled leeringly and said, 'John won the prize the other 
night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary.'

She said, 'Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You 
know, he's only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell 
asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him
come.'